*tries to open bag of chips quietly at funeral*
you’re gonna miss me when i’m gone
*opens window and screams* AM I MORE THAN YOUVE BARGAINED FOR YET I’VE BEEN DYING TO TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT TO HEAR CAUSE THATS JUST WHO I AM THIS WEEK
me when cats
Do you ever have a problem where you just don’t know how to reply to an argument, not because you don’t know the answer, but you just don’t know where to begin? Like, the foundation of knowledge you’d need to impart to this person before you could even begin to drag them out of their sinkhole of ignorance would cost thousands of dollars if it were coming from a university?
[walks around with an entire big mac in my mouth but never actually biting down] It’s a metaphor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.
this was either a great marketing ploy or a fabulous accident
whenever I see someone wearing a “cool story babe now make me a sandwich” shirt